It’s nice to give praise. To tell people they did a great job or that you really enjoyed the coffee/meal/cake they made you. Positive feedback helps reinforce desired behaviours and sends a message of appreciation. Something that’s much needed in the workplace and home. But have you stopped to consider how you give praise?
“You did a great job Sally, well done”
“That presentation was awesome. Great job!”
“Amazing cake, thank you!”
Do you spot a theme?
Yes, the words are positive. But then if they weren’t, it wouldn’t be praise.
The other thing you may have noticed is that the words are all fairly general. They’re not specific and are easily swapped around with one another. “Awesome” could apply to the cake, presentation or job that Sally did.
So what?
The problem with using generalist vocabulary is that it lacks true impact and doesn’t really say what you were impressed with. The effect lessens with each usage. The problem with telling everyone that they do a great, awesome or amazing job, is that over time, the effect of that compliment diminishes.
How to give more constructive praise
It all comes down to the words you use. Be more thoughtful in your choice of vocabulary. Perhaps Sally did a “meticulous” job, or maybe she was “right on brief“. Both of these give Sally an idea of what you’re so happy about, helping guide her with future projects. She’ll be just as, if not more pleased than if you’d said “great“.
And that “awesome” presentation may well have been “inspiring“, “thought-provoking“, “highly competent” or even “well-judged and very funny“. So much more helpful than an over-used statement of “awesome“.
And of course, you’d be absolutely right to describe a delicious cake as “amazing”, but how about getting a bit more creative with your compliments – “so rich and chocolatey”, or “light and delicious”, or even “just the sugar hit I needed right then”. You’ll be so much more likely to be offered an extra slice…
Let’s face it, no-one’s going to get grumpy with you if you happen to tell them they did something awesome. I certainly wouldn’t. But to give them a thoughtful compliment or well-considered piece of praise could well make their day.
And wouldn’t that be awesome?
Looking for better ways to express yourself? Sign up to my not-very-regular email updates and you’ll get more ideas and suggestions. (You’ll also get a FREE downloadable checklist to help you write better blogs – feel free to pass it on if you won’t use it!)
Three Surprising Things I Learnt When I Went Freelance
Time flies whether or not you’re having fun, so I figure you may as well make the time you have count.
Three years ago, I was working out my notice in a blue-chip multinational. I was also studying at night to retrain as a copywriter whilst looking after a 3-year-old, 2-year-old and (let’s face it) a husband. I was leaving behind the security of a good salary, health, life and dental insurance as well as the chance to wear good shoes everyday. Was going freelance really the right decision?
With three years’ experience under my belt, I’ve had my ups and downs. But I can honestly say I love my freelance life. But it’s not for everyone, and here are the things I’ve Iearnt:
A lack of accountability to others isn’t actually that great…
Working for yourself is so relaxed. You can meet friends for coffee, sneak in a cheeky massage, weed that flower bed that suddenly looks so overgrown.
But if you want to grow your business you need to pull yourself together and snap out of that approach. It’s way too easy to get distracted, procrastinate and focus on the wrong things, especially if you lack the confidence in your plans or ability to do what you need to do.
It’s incredibly helpful to set yourself up with a mentor, coach, or other form of accountability network. Someone to keep you on track and make you do what you said you were going to do. I was lucky enough to do a skill swap with a friend who was training as a coach. She coached me; I wrote blog posts for her family business. She helped me identify and start to resolve my incredible ability to procrastinate and made me tackle some of my deeper issues around self-doubt and confidence. She was also a brilliant sounding board who made me take things easy when I was beating myself up about not getting enough business and spurred me on to attend networking meetings that I dreaded the thought of.
I’ve learnt to treat office hours as if I were in a real office sitting with a team. Would I take that personal call if I had colleagues around me? No of course not… Would I come in late because I fancied a coffee after the school run? Only if I wanted to get fired…
Invest in yourself; no-one else will
Now the buck stops with you, you need to invest in yourself properly. In my early days, I overdid it. Once I’d got over the three-day migraine that comes with a poor diet, too little sleep, and not enough exercise, I wrote myself a “charter” to stay on top of things. First on that list was taking care of my health. I reasoned if my health went, I wouldn’t do my best work, my family wouldn’t get the best of me and I’d feel miserable. It’s hard to stick to, especially when you have kids to look after, but I work hard to prioritise my health. I know I’ll never manage a pre-breakfast meditation, but there are other things I can do.
I take a pilates class every week to look after my back and neck. I drink plenty of water, avoid caffeine after 1pm and try to have something other than cheese on toast for lunch every day. I also try very hard not to attack the kids’ chocolate supplies when I’m running low on inspiration and blood sugar. I invested in a very good office chair have set up my desk for good health with ergonomically placed screen and keyboard and plenty of houseplants around me. The result? I feel healthier, I enjoy my office time and I’m much more productive.
But investing in yourself goes further than physical self-care. There’s no-one to keep an eye on your professional development or mental health when you work freelance, and a year or so in, I found myself becoming quite isolated. It’s very easy to tap away on your laptop, go onto Twitter and pretend you’re interacting with people. An impulsive acceptance to a conference was just what I needed to realise the value of professional development in staying fresh and relevant. Professional interaction is also crucial for your mental health – networking has a low appeal for me (small talk and I don’t get on), but when I make the effort, I feel better for it. Speaking to others in your situation creates a sense of camaraderie. It also opens the opportunity for potential new work. What’s not to like?
You have to stay in touch with your original motivation
Everyone has a different motivation. Some people want to be millionaires. Others just want to cover the bills. I wanted financial reward, to be professionally challenged and the opportunity to enjoy time with my children. It’s a combination that can be tricky to realise…
I use my flexible hours to my benefit and help at school one afternoon a week, listening to children read. It’s a small thing but means a huge amount to my kids and the kids I listen to. It’s also one of the most amusing parts of my week. Kids speak truthfully and come out with the funniest things – it’s a real mood lightener. I clear my books over half-terms and holidays, just sticking to regular work for my long-term clients who know and understand the deal. Holiday club is an option for that “can’t refuse” project, but I’d rather enjoy the time with the kids while I can… in 15 years they won’t have the time for me, I’m going to get my fun time in now!
Charging enough can be a struggle when you go freelance; too many people expect you to be happy to do the work for next to nothing, something reinforced by companies such as Fiverr. I did too much work for too little in my early days and know pricing appropriately is a challenge for most freelancers. I’ll be honest, it’s the part of my business I continue to struggle with the most, but with resources like the ProCopywriters network helping champion a realistic rate for copywriters, I feel like I’m getting closer to where I should be.
A lack of professional challenge was a part of the reason for me leaving my old career, but there’s plenty in my new freelance life. With the admin and legal side of managing a business (dare I mention GDPR?), relationship management with a variety of clients (all good by the way), and meaty projects that stretch my skills and teach me new things, I’m learning every day.
Freelancing. Is it for you?
Freelance working isn’t for everyone. It can be isolating, bad for your health and financially disastrous if you plan badly. But it’s liberating and incredibly rewarding when things go in the right direction. It’s undoubtedly hard work, but then if it wasn’t – everyone would be doing it, and where’s the fun in that?
This post was originally posted on Talentedladiesclub.com in May 2018. You can read the original article here.
The beautiful photo in my header image is by rawpixel on Unsplash.
Want to write a bad email? Start like this…
It slips off your tongue easily and finds its way off your fingers and onto a keyboard even more easily. But kicking off with an apology is one of the fastest ways I know of starting an email on the wrong foot.
Sorry. Forgive me. My apologies. Whoops-a-daisy. My bad.
You get the picture.
Why you shouldn’t start with sorry
The person reading your email will be ready to wonder what you’ve done. Should they feel aggrieved? Impatient? Irritated? You’re certainly suggesting they have a right to be. As we humans are highly suggestible there’s a chance that even if they weren’t aware of the wrong you’d committed, and couldn’t have given two hoots, they may be a bit less than impressed with you than they were 10 minutes previously.
An example…
Let’s say you’ve sent something a bit later than promised. Train delays, kids off school, cat to the vets with a mystery cough… life happens. You finally whizz off the email to your contact, starting with an almost out of breath “sorry this is so late…”.
What’s the first thing the recipient thinks? “urgh… late again”. They sigh as they sip their coffee and add a little black mark against your name in their imaginary list of “people I deal with”.
If you were just an hour or so late, you’d have been better not mentioning it at all. There’s a chance they hadn’t even realised your note was late. If you were over a clear deadline or a day or so late, you could replace an effusive apology with a more assured “thank you for your patience…” – a trick you might have seen elsewhere.
Thank you for your patience
It’s something doctors say, you’ve probably heard it before…
You’ve been waiting in a stuffy waiting room with only copies of the “People’s Friend” for entertainment. It’s been 45 minutes and you’re ready to create merry hell. The doctor eventually calls you in and says “thank you for your patience”. They may even explain why they’re so over their schedule. Because your doctor is lovely and you know they do a good job, you readily forgive. After all, you don’t mind being patient do you?
Instead of apologising for a small and understandable deficiency on their part, the doctor praises you for a positive behaviour. It’s a small thing, but it makes a big difference to the way you feel. “Thank you for your understanding” works just as well. You make people feel good about their behaviour, shifting the emphasis off yourself. But sometimes this isn’t appropriate; perhaps a big fat “sorry” is in order.
When the situation demands an apology.
You don’t need me to tell you this. In situations that require an apology, you should say sorry.
But you don’t need to start your email with an apology. Get into the solution, help resolve the situation. Something along the lines of “I see what has happened. I’ll get back to you with XYZ by lunchtime tomorrow”. Then add your apology.
In fairness, if you’ve made a mistake that demands an apology you probably need to get on the phone and talk it through. But because you’ll be following up that phone call with an email as well, you need to remember to think carefully about how and where you place that necessary apology.
Sorry? What was that?
Say sorry. Show sorry. But start an email with a “sorry”? There’s never any need to do that.
Do you agree? Or not? Let me know.
Five Things I Learnt from #StoryPower 2018
I’m normally restricted to the company of my needy cat and delivery drivers who need me to sign for various parcels, so the thought of heading into London for a conference was exciting. And no ordinary conference – one that promised to help me grow as a copywriter thanks to the “Power of Storytelling” hosted by the behavioural research agency “Watch Me Think”. And with the added happy anticipation of an evening’s romance (the 9-year wedding anniversary for myself & Mr Sands), I headed into town for some professional development.
I learnt lots from #StoryPower. Much more than I can reasonably cram into a blog post. So what follows are my favourite five takeaways. As it turns out, #StoryPower was the highlight of my day – the wedding anniversary romance didn’t quite live up to expectations, but more on that later…
Numbers Are The Lazy Route
Ouch! I’m certainly one of those people who believes in the power of a good fact or statistic, so this point made me sit up and listen. (I weakly defend myself with the excuse of it being a hangover from my time in corporate marketing where dropping a good margin % figure into a presentation gave you rockstar status). But this compelling talk from Anthony Tasgal made the point that “numbers numb us, while stories stir us”. We should take the time to move our audiences, tap into their desire for connection and debate. We can still use the fact of course, but should take the time to build a story around the numbers and make our audiences feel happy, satisfied, vindicated…
Compelling Writing is Child’s Play
Two brilliant minds presented on a similar theme – reawakening the child that still hides deep inside us. Vicki Perrin of BBC Radio2 works with the 500 Words children’s writing competition, whilst Emily Murdock is part of the grandiose-sounding Ministry of Stories who front their children’s writing charity with the intriguing and involving Hoxton Street Monster Supplies. Details of the imaginative products on sale in the Hoxton Street Monster Supplies including Tins of Fear – you can choose between “Escalating Panic”, “Mortal Terror” or (a regular in our household) “A Vague Sense of Unease” – spiked the room with creativity. Vicki’s touching talk brought to life the importance of running with our imaginations, and not hampering our stories with the shackles of grammar, spelling and convention. A lifting alternative to a line regularly attributed to Hemmingway “write drunk, edit sober”, this encourages us to “write like an 8-year old, edit like a 38-year old” (substitute the decade for your age of choice…).
Tom Cruise Can Help You Become a Better Writer
Stuart Chapman from Lego shared an approach to storytelling that I love. He calls it the “Tom Cruise Skill Level Over Time” method.
Stuart pointed out that pretty much all Tom Cruise films follow the same pattern – he starts out as a decent guy doing OK. He then has a crisis of confidence and loses his ability to do what he was doing. He then meets a beautiful woman who helps him rediscover his mojo. He then goes on to become even better than he was before and saves the day. It’s amusingly accurate – think Top Gun, Jerry McGuire, Jack Reacher…
It’s a clever way to build up a story about your services. By creating an element of doubt (the crisis of confidence) in your reader, you can then go on to be the beautiful woman who can help your reader become even better and “save the day” (or something like that).
It’s Clever to Look Silly
Richard Shotton shared something that many of us unconsciously already knew – people are more appealing when they admit or exhibit flaws. It’s known as the “Pratt Fall Effect”, and essentially tells us to revel in our disadvantage. Few companies do this – inadequacies are a pretty scary thing to admit to after all. But the Pratt Fall Effect tells us if we pretend perfection, we’re less likely to be considered. Listerine is a great example of a product that wallows in its poor flavour, whilst Hans Brinker is a chain of hotels renowned for self-confessed terrible customer service.
But by admitting to flaws, these brands and companies prove their honesty and add believability to their other claims. People are wily; they will always assume you or your product have a flaw. If you leave the deductions up to them, they may well believe the flaws are something you’re actually quite good at.
It takes courage to go down this route, but I’ll be thinking of using this tool occasionally. Certainly for myself (when I get round to it) and possibly for brave clients who are up for some gentle safe-denigration.
Honesty is The Best Policy
A neat segue from the previous point, Ian Leslie talked about the importance of honesty. Not just from a legal and defamatory perspective, but from the angle of tapping into the hidden truth – Hemmingway (yes, him again) said we should “write hard and clear about what hurts”. And it’s the truth – if what you’re writing about feels uncomfortable in some way, it probably needs to be said. Your emotions carry across the page (“no tears in the writer, no tears in the reader” – as said by Robert Frost). We respond to stories that are fundamentally truthful – and so should use this to our advantage.
#StoryPower spoilt us with beautiful stories, witty anecdotes and stirring tales. I was moved to tears on more than one occasion – special mentions to Vicki Perrin, Daniel Meadows and Asif Noorani for that. And a huge thank you to the lovely lady who gave me a tissue when I could barely hold back the snuffles after watching the opening scene in “Up” in Asif’s presentation.
And what about the wedding anniversary romance? A non-event I’m sad to say. I returned home full of romantic anticipation to a husband with extreme man flu. We had fried egg & oven chips for our anniversary dinner and he was in bed by 8.30. Romance may not be dead, but it certainly has the lurgy right now.
Do you enjoy a good story? And what are your favourite ways of using stories to involve your readers and create a connection?